Bikini Bottom Versus The Locker
by FluffyFluff
Summary: After Barbossa kills Jack, Will Turner gives him a choice, Go to the Locker, or stay for one hundred years in Bikini Bottom. Will Jack be able to cope? Pirates of the caribbean, spongebob crossover.
1. Bikini Bottom

So I got this extreamly weird idea and... I just had to. Anyway, this story takes place after the third movie. Will is captain of the Flying Dutchman and Barbossa and Jack are still fighting over the Black Pearl. In this story Barbossa shoots Jack before taking the map piece that Jack stole at the end of the movie. If there are any mistakes regarding POTC I'm sorry. My sister is the Pirates of the carribean expert, not me. But I would love to know because I hate it when there are mistakes like that in a story.

There will probably be references to some Spongebob episodes in later chapters but it probably won't be confusing if you haven't seen them.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, places, ect. used in this story, only the idea of course.

* * *

The last thing Jack saw was Barbossa's ugly laughing face. A few seconds after the shot was fiered Jack knew that he was dead. The next thing he knew he was on board the flying Dutchmen. He looked up into the extreamly irritated, glaring face of his old friend William Turner.

"Jack, you've got to be kidding me! Not again! You know, people aren't always just going to come and save you all the time, because believe it or not, we diddn't go last time just to see you."

"Hello William." Jack flashed what he thought to be his most charming grin at Will. "Wonderfull to see you once again my friend." He said, prodding Will with a finger.

"Jack, I'm sorry but there's no escaping the locker this time." Will sighed. "You will have to pay for your crimes sooner or later."

"Well, can't you think of some other punishment? I will go crazy if I have to be in that locker again, mate."

Will grinned. "Well there is one thing, though I really don't think it will do your sanity much better. There are some very interesting things that I've discovered under the water Jack. Things you wouldn't believe."

"If it isn't the locker, I'll take it."

"Believe me it's not much better."

"I said I'll take it" Jack replied desprately as the boat plunged down below the surface and into the ocean.

* * *

It was very disconcerting being on a boat underwater and not having to breath. Jack felt slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly a strange little town came into veiw. There was a sign reading, WELCOME TO BIKINI BOTTOM! In large letters. There were also fish walking around and they were wearing clothes! And attrocious clothes at that! "And I thought Singapore was bad" Jack thought aloud.

"Well, here's where you get off Jack. See you in one hundred years." Will said before wishing him good luck and bidding him goodbye.

Jack walked by some peculiar little buildings that were elongated, and unlike anything he had ever seen.

"And I don't even have a peanut." he grumbled to himself.

"Peanuts? I LOVE Peanuts!" Came a voice behind him.

Jack froze, pulled a face, and slowly turned around to face a strange looking person. He was big and pink and had a cone shaped head. Jack backed up a few steps and looked at the thing up and down. It looked sort of like a starfish. "Who are you?" He asked.

The strange person looked back at him uninterestedly. He then put a pointed, fingerless, hand into his mouth and began sucking on it. Then he took it out and used it to point at Jack," You don't have any ice cream do you."

Jack's eyes darted from side to side. "I don't recall ever saying anything about ice cream mate. Quite frankly, I haven't the slightest idear what you would be tryin to convey... I'm new here, savy?"

The pink man was staring back at Jack stupidly. His mouth was gaping open. "HA HA HA You talk funny." Patrick said. Jack thought his laugh sounded weird. It was all deep and fake sounding.

Jack turned his back on Patrick while he thought of something to say. Then he heard patrick behind him talking to someone else.

"Spongebob! Look there's a really weird guy!"

Jack squeezed his eyes tight, afraid to see what sort of new abomination he had to deal with now. He had NO idea.

* * *

"Hi. I'm Spongebob." The freaky yellow square said.

Jack took in his bulging blue eyes, protruding teeth, and yellow, spongy skin. All he could do for the next fifteen seconds was gape in horror. As soon as he regained controll of his limbs he turned and ran as fast as he could (arms flailing above his head) in the direction that the flying dutchman had gone in.

"Will! Will! come back!" Soon Jack realised that calling Will wasn't going to help him, so he just flumped himself onto the ground on his back so he could look up at the flowers floating on the surface of the water. "Oh bugger."

Jack yelped unintentionally when he saw the sponge...thing leaning over him. He leapt to his feet, but not before seeing that the sponge was holding out a strange looking net on a stick, right in front of Jack's face. His head collided with the object and sent him sprawling back on the ground. Dazed, he tried to make out the words that the sponge was trying to say, but all he could make out was "jelly fishing" before he blacked out.


	2. In a Salmon Suit

Jack woke up on a couch in a strange yellow room. He stifled a yell when he saw several, er, characters standing there watching him intently, one of which was the ...Spongebob was how he introduced himself? The pink thing was there also, but had apparently gotten bored watching him and was now laughing at something hidden in a brown box.  
"Who are you people?" Jack said, raising a hand to his aching head. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, his hand was grabbed by what looked to Jack like a squirrel in some sort of a moveable straitjacket, _and just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger-_ Jacks thoughts were interupted when the blue person with an ugly head said to the squirrel,

"Are you just gonna stand there or tell us what it is?" Jack noticed a slight, and disturbing, resemblance to old Davy Jones. He quickly pulled his hand away, looking suspiciously from the blue person to his hand. The octopus guy went on,

"Oh we just have all day to stand around doing nothing because none of us have anything better to do with our lives!"

"Can anybody tell me what's going on!" Jack asked exasperated. The Spongebob was the only one to reply,

"These are my friends Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Crabbs, and I think you've already met Patrick." He said pointing to each of them in turn.

Jack hesitantly held out his hand and looked at them through the corner of his eye before muttering, "Jack Sparrow, Captain Jack Sparrow."

* * *

"So, what do you wanna do?"

Jack looked discustedly down at the Spongebob who was now Grinning and blinking obnoxiously up at him.

"You know, it's very annoying for people to be asked the same question over and over, savy? Quite frankly, I have no idea about what I should do. I just need to find a way out of here." Jack said blankly.

"What, me, annoying?" Spongebob said before bursting out laughing while Jack, sitting on the floor of the pineapple house, gritted his teeth.

"So, we could go Jelly fishing, or we could go to the Goofy Goober Bar."

Jack perked up instantly. "Bar? Do they have rum?! I really love rum. Rum is good."

Spongebob giggled," No silly, they have goofy goober ice cream sundays and goober shakes. But if you want, Mr. Crabbs might let you have a drink from his root beer cellar."

Jack shrugged disapointedly. He really diddn't know what root beer was exactly, but it was beer right? And beer is alcohol, which was what he felt he desperatey needed.

Spongebob knocked on the door of Mr. Crabb's house, which Jack noticed was shaped in the likeness of an anchor. Mr. Crabbs opened the door. "Hello Spongebob me boy, what are ye here for?"

"We were just wondering if we could have some root beer from your cellar. Captain Jack here was craving a drink." Spongebob asked.

Mr. Crabb's eyes narrowed," Even if I did have any, I would have to charge ye for it, because I'm cheap. Besides, I assume ye don't recall that little _incedent _ye had at me house last time me daughter Pearl had a sleepover. Now you remember, I thought ye might. Now get out of me house!" Mr. Crabbs yelled before slamming the door.

"Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that." Spongebob said.

"I'm curious, what did happen with his daughter's ...sleepover?" Jack asked.

"Oh well, Mr. Crabbs was afraid Pearl and her friends were going to mess up his house because of this zombie movie he watched so he sent me in to spy on them. Then they found me and locked me in the root bear cellar, wich I accidentally destroyed and flooded his house with." Spongebob said casually.

Jack was at loss for words. "Why did they lock you in the cellar?"

"Because I wasn't invited. Mr. Crabbs made the rule of, no boys allowed."

"Well, it was hypocritical of him to send you in there then." Jack replied.

"You can say that again...Jack, what does hypocritical mean?" Jack rolled his eyes.

* * *

"So, I made a list of my favorite things to do when I'm not at work." Spongebob skipped out of a room in him house, followed by a slimy little pink and purple snail. Jack was surprised to hear it meow. The paper Spongebob was holding trailed along the ground behind him. I've only used this list once before. That was when Squidward thought that he had poisoned me with a pie-bomb that he bought from pirates for twenty five dollars last time we had a Brotherhood Day at the Krusty Krabb. He thought I was going to die and wanted to make my last day the best day ever. Isn't Squidward the greatest friend."

Spongebob had finished so sincerelly, Jack was a little shocked. He was sure that statement should have been more sarcastic. He quickly made a mental note to remember this bomb-pie. It would make a great 'Welcome Back' present for William when he returned to land in ten years. _Yeah right_ said another voice in his head, _Will would never eat anything you gave him, Elizabeth on the other hand- _Jack's thoughts were interupted once again by the sponge's loud and obnoxious voice.

"The first thing on my list is to show my new friend Jack to everyone in town."

"Do you think maybe, we could skip that one."

"Sure thing pal, the next thing on the list is to show my new friend Jack to everyone in town, wearing a salmon suit!"

"What!" Jack jumped to his feet. "No, that would be comepletely and utterely unnessecary and not, under any circumstances, fun." Jack shuddered at the thought. He was the great and infamous Captain Jack Sparrow and was not about to be seen wearing a salmon suit.

"Come on buddy, it'll be fun!"

"No it won't!"

"You'll never know till you try it!" Spongebob replied in a singsong voice.

"I already know and I'm not doing it... _savy_" Jack said in his most menacing voice.

"Please?"

"I'm disinclined to aquiest your request."

"Please?"

"NO!" Jack growled.

Spongebobs lip started to tremble and, to Jacks dismay, He uttered one of the most terrible sounds Jack had ever heard. For the next half hour the sponge wailed and tears flowed from his eyes in bucketfulls untill they were litterally standing in six inches of water. "This has to stop." Jack groaned to himself, hands cupped over his ears.

* * *

Sixty Seconds later...

Jack was being led by the hand around the entire town while everyone they saw laughed.

"See? They like you already." Spongebob said happily as he dragged Jack along.

Suddenly, to Jack's complete horror, he saw a familiar ship making it's way down the street.

"Hey would you look at that?" Spongebob exclaimed. "Must be new neighbors. It's kind of creepy, oh well. Jack Let's go meet them!" Spongebob turned around to see Jack running in the other direction. "Hey wait up! I have to show my new friend to everybody!"

Almost as soon as Jack saw the ship coming he recognized it as the Flying Dutchman. He took off running down the street. He couldn't even imagine what he would say if Will turner saw him wearing the ridiculous attire. Then, hearing the sponge running after him, he panicked, tripped over the suit, and went down head over heels. He sat up and saw a pair of boots in front of him. He cringed as the familiar voice reached his ears.

"Jack?"

Jack looked up at his smug friend...no, aquaintance. "Hello William." He said miserably.

He glared as he saw the wide grin spreading across Will's face.

Jack waited, fumming with humiliation as he waited for the idiot whelp to stop laughing. "Don't. Tell. Elizabeth." Jack could feel his face burning as he spoke.

Will opened his mouth, as if to say something, but ended up falling into another fit of laughter.

"Will, what are you doing here?" Jack asked as calmly as he could manage.

Will fought to keep a strait face."I just wanted to check up on you, see what you were doing. It seems my timing could'nt have been better."

"William?"

"Yes Jack?"

"You are a eunich."


	3. All He Wanted

Jack sparrow was getting restless and tired of being in Spongebob's house. He had tried playing with Spongebob's pet, Gary, but it apparently didn't like being poked with a stick. Jack looked disgustedly at his hand. He had tried wiping the slime off on the grass and other plants he could find but the infernal stuff would not come off. He had even considered washing his hand, before he remembered that he was already under water and the closest thing they had to liquid was the Goo Lagoon. He silently cursed William Turner for leaving him in this terrible place. Lately, Jack had spent most of his time trying to find some rum, but there were no bars and the grocery store didn't have alcohol, and Jack searched every inch of that place.

Jack sat down on the floor, and tried to think of something to do. Then he saw Patrick sitting on a rock. He was looking at something in a brown box and laughing hysterically. Jack couldn't control his curiosity. He walked over to the starfish.

"Hello, what's that you got there?" Jack asked.

Patrick looked at him stupidly, "who are you?"

Jack frowned,"I'm Jack- Captain Jack sparrow...I believe we met before. I just talked to you yesterday."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Jack fought to keep his temper under control. "This isn't funny Patrick. I really don't feel in the mood for jokes right now, savvy?"

"Hey I know a joke!" Patrick said, "Knock knock."

Jack looked blankly back at Patrick," What?"

"What?" Patrick repeated.

Jack ground his teeth in frustration," Never mind. So, er, what's in the box?"

Patrick held the box away from Jack, "Wouldn't you like to know." He said sarcastically.

"Would I? I mean, no, I don't care." Jack replied defensively.

"Oh, good, because I won't show anyone what is in this box. It's my secret box."

This was almost too much for Jack to handle. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about all the different things that could be inside of that box. There could be a jar of dirt in there, or a peanut, or even more better, rum! Maybe it was that horrible picture William drew of Barbossa! Jack had always wanted to show the other captain the embarrassing drawing, but it "mysteriously" disappeared before he could. _I always knew the whelp threw it overboard and now its gone and ended up way over here. That's what the pink thing was laughing about! _

"Patrick, You must give me that box right this very instant!" Jack said in his best captain voice.

"why?"

"well, because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack improvised, emphasizing the 'captain'.

"No. It's a secret."

Jack resisted the urge to lunge at Patrick and grab the box. But in the end decided it sounded too much like something Norrington would do. _I'm not a barbarian, I will use my brain._ He thought to himself smugly.

"Patrick, did you see that?" He said.

"see what?"

"that, er, great big flying thing."

"I didn't see anything, was it ice cream?" Patrick replied stupidly.

"Yes, I do believe it was. Why don't you let me hold the box for you so you can go get it. I saw it go in, that way direction." Jack said, pointing in a random direction.

Patrick frowned," Hey, I know what you're trying to do!" He said angrily,"You're never getting this box and that's final!"

_Damn, Will falls for that one every time_. "Come, let's be reasonable mate, I won't take the box, I just want to look inside it."

"No."

Jack sighed, "Please."

"Please what."

Jack rolled his eyes," May I please look at whatever it is you have in that box!" He snapped -_Never in my life-_

Patrick yawned," Hey, do you want to go blow some bubbles through Squid's window?" He said.

"If I play your little game will you let me look in the box?" Jack replied.

"whatever you say, buddy."

"What did you call me?!"

* * *

All Jack wanted to do that day, was get Spongebob's nasty snail's slime off his fingers. So why (he found himself asking) was he, the notorious Captain Jack Sparrow, hiding underneath some guy's window, blowing soap bubbles out of a juvenile contraption, with a mental, talking starfish?

Jack's thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly was hit over the head with some kind of a strange instrument.

"Get away from my house you buffoons!" Squidward yelled out his window.

"Wow Squid, you got us balloons?! Hey Spongebob, Squidward has balloons!" Patrick exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Really, what a guy! Where are the balloons?" Spongebob said, walking over.

Squidward stared at them for a long time before he slammed the window, mumbling.

Jack had had enough,"So Patrick, we had an agreement?"

Patrick stopped jumping and looked at Jack, "Hi, I'm Patrick, who are you?"

Jack growled,"Just give me the blasted box you mental idiot."

"Well, why didn't you just ask?" Patrick said, handing Jack the box.

Jack took the mysterious box with reverence. He slowly opened one side, the excitement swelling up inside of him. He held his breath and slowly opened the other side...

Jack looked into the box only to see a single brown string. He could feel his face flushing. He faintly heard a voice behind him, as if it was miles away.

"Ha ha ha, isn't it great!" Patrick laughed.

"There's something wrong with you." Jack said slowly, and through clenched teeth.

"What?" Partrick said, still laughing.

"THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN!!!" Jack exploded.

"There's something wrong with my brain? Oh no! SPONGEBOB! There's something wrong with my brain!" Patrick said, not noticing the fuming pirate next to him.

"You know what, this is all Will's fault." Jack said to himself as he walked away from Patrick and the -no he couldn't think about it. "Next time I see the flying dutchman I'm going to march in there and kill him meself. I don't even care if he's already dead, that eunich has it coming to him!"

Then, a thick, green mist surrounded Jack, out of which flew a green transparent person who yelled, "Who be calling on the Flying Dutchman!"

"That would be me mate, do you have any idear as to where it might be?" Jack said.

The ghost looked down at Jack, "I'm the great and powerfull Flying Dutchman!" It said.

Jack scoffed, "Clearly, you are confused mate, the flying Dutchman is the alligator boat belonging to the late Davy Jones, and is now commanded by... a whelp."


	4. The Deal

"How much do you know about Davy Jones?" Jack asked the 'Flying Dutchman'.

The Dutchman peered suspiciously down at Jack. "We all know about the locker, but of Davy Jones, now there's a bit of dangerous business that is."

"You have no idea." Jack mumbled to himself. "Is there any way at all, that you could take me back to, you know, the surface?"

"That depends on what you'd be offer'n as payment." The Flying Dutchman replied.

"mm, tell you what, I'll be offering you, in exchange for a ride to the surface, a soul." Jack suggested.

"And would that be your soul that you'd be offer'n?"

"Preferably not."

"Am I to believe then, that you would be willin to sell over someone else's soul for your own profit?"

Jack grinned, "So it's a deal then?"

"Not so fast! You still haven't told me what sort of a soul I'd be receivin."

"I'm offering you the fine (and much sought after) soul of William Turner. O'l Jonesy thought he'd be worth three, maybe three and a half." Jack stated proudly, but to his dismay, The Flying Dutchman was laughing.

"William Turner indeed! What do you take me for! Everyone knows he belongs to Calypso, for the time bein at least." The Flying Dutchman scoffed.

"Never mind then, there are other souls I might be persuaded to hand over." Jack replied, disappointed.

"I'm listen'n."

"There's... the valiant and powerful Elizabeth Swan. One of the nine pirate lords, savvy?" Jack said grinning. _Talk about killing two birds with one stone, what a perfectly appropriate way to get the both of them back, at the same time._ Jack thought happily to himself. He still hadn't forgiven her for a little incident with a kraken that was still fresh in his mind.

"One of the pirate lords you say?" The Dutchman replied with interest.

"Oh no, even more better, the pirate king of the Bretheren Court mate. A soul worth much more than a trip to the surface, I'll warrant."

"I'll throw in a bottle of rum." The Dutchman paused, "King, you say?"

"Aye."

"So is this, Elizabeth, a woman, or did you mean queen?"

Jack smirked," Well... I'll let you decide for yourself, so do we have a deal?"

* * *

Jack pondered as he walked back to town, about how he was going to get Elizabeth Swann onto the- whatever the Flying Dutchman's ship was called. Jack shook his head. The best idea he could come up with, since he couldn't get out of Bikini bottom, was to send one of his new friends up to try to persuade her. Well, that confirmed it, he certainly was in a fix. But he had rum, so he was happy.

As Jack walked past the Krusty Krab he thought he overheard an argument going on inside. He quietly slunk inside.

"-and that proves that land creatures are better than sea creatures!" Sandy the sea squirrel was saying.

"Well at least we don't have to breath air through a bowl!" Came the reply.

"That doesn't prove nothing!" Sandy exclaimed and turned to where Jack was sitting. "Are you a land creature or a sea critter?"

Jack shifted his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, changing his mind.

"Er, I don't rightly know, but if you're looking for a contest, I've got a few idears."

The group stared at Jack.

"Look, I know someone, up there savvy? I've been waiting for years to have her be introduced to a friend of mine who lives down here, but as I can't leave this place, it seems like a fine way to decide between land and sea animals." Jack explained.

"She's a land creature and can't breath water, but the lucky wench has access to the entire royal navy, as it were, so it shouldn't be a problem as long as one of you are good at convincin... And if there's any resistance, tell her that my name is Will Turner."

"Well I think it's a fine idea!" Sandy said after some thought.

"Yeah, to prove that sea creatures are the best." Spongebob retorted.

"Yeah, because we can fly!" Patrick said, jumping up and floating slowly back down. Everyone ignored him.

"Am I gettin payed?" Mr Crabbs asked expectantly.

"This whole thing seems ridiculous." Said Squidward, tentacles on hips.

"We're on!" Sandy challenged before they all sped away, leaving Jack alone to go pillage the root beer cellar.

* * *

Elizabeth stood on the beach, gazing out across the water, thinking about Will and wondering what he was doing. She was horrified and surprised when she was suddenly attacked and restrained, by a soaked squirrel. She reached to her side for the sword she usually carried, realizing with anguish that she had left it inside.

Good thing Will had taught her how to handle a random stick on the floor nearby.

Elizabeth swiped maniacally at the attacking squirrel, that apperently knew a thing or too about karatie. Elizabeth wondered if Sao Fang had finally gone off the deep end (not literally) and started giving squirrels fighting lessons. Then the idea turned into horrible thought about Sao having a secret army of fighting squirrels, which she quickly pushed out of her mind.

While preoccupied fighting the deranged squirrel, she didn't notice the others setting the trap, and before she knew it, Elizabeth blacked out.

She doubted whether she had woken up, when she found herself securely tied to a nearby tree, and being lectured by a variety of very frightening creatures resembling those of the sea.

"-and that's why, you need to come with us." The yellow one finished.

"What?" Elizabeth answered, in a state far beyond confused.

"A friend of yours told us to tell you that he needs your help." The squirrel said.

"Really, and who would that be?" Elizabeth replied, still disoriented.

"um-" The squirrel looked at the others,"...Will Turner."

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "What- how do you- you know Will? Wait, who are you people and what do you know about Will?!

"Well, uh, we just know that he sent us to get you so that you could help him." The yellow one answered.

"Wait, so what exactly am I supposed to do?" said Elizabeth, flustered, wondering what kind of trouble her perfect, immortal, husband could have gotten himself into. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Jack would it?" She thought out loud.

She looked at the group suspiciously when they simultaneously shook their heads denied that they knew the name Jack.

"No, oh course not, what would make you think that?" One of them said nervously.

" Well, usually if Will is in trouble, Jack has something to do with it." Elizabeth replied.

"Well he doesn't." The squirrel snapped, irritated.

"He doesn't?" Patrick added, earning an unpleasant stare from Sandy.

"All right look, we don't care whether you help your friend or not, we're just the messengers. You can come with us, or not, but we're leaving now!" she stated.

"All right, take me to Will." Elizabeth said.

* * *

Hey everyone, sorry it took so long to post, sometimes my computer just doesn't want to cooperate with me :)

I hope you enjoyed, please review!


End file.
